(7/18/25) Yeah so i havent been on here in so damn long, anyways summer's gonna end in likea month and i felt like i kinda wasted it, well not really but my memory is so bad to the point i lowkey forgot all i did, but i go on vaction to Maryland in like two weeks, i dont feel prepared or even that excited to go, or atleast as much as my other family memebers, i just dont get it. how can they not suspect that nothing can go wrong, or that they wont end up having a good time or get overwhelmed about all the planning maybe theyre not showing it...anyways besides that im trying my best to be normal and be excited to get even if i think a better vaction choice will be if my family leaves me home alone and left for a week. but whatever i know that cant and probably will never happen.

I made an online friend lately but we havent been talking much shes alright but i hate how she wants to call 24/7 i already told her im not usd to calling people that much and my social battery drains fast i think shes chill about that though but i can tell shes a bit dissapointed. but whatever i dont think we'll last that long, but atleast i have someone to talk to other than my dad about my problems and someone my age to talk about my weird niche interests to and most of the time dont find them odd or boring.

Ive been feeling so drained lately and my period hasnt been helping, and shes also back. that little voice in my head that's litterlay like "fuck it" to everything sometimes i need her and sometimes she wants to ruin my entire life. i let her take over but then i realize if i dont stop her she'll actally ruin everything and ill regret letting her. She's the one who wants to go back to old habits she usually takes over when im most vulnerable and thats usually on my period. But i'm not going to let her thistime, or imgoing to atleast limit her. we finally got a job athe universe happily provided us now she wants to quit now only when shit gets too hard and socialible. my higher self is screaming at me to fix this yet my body feels so weak and wants to let her take over just for a few more days until it stops bleedding out and cramping. I'll get better. i need to. i need to keep pushing.if shewantss to quit soon, fine. i alsowant to quit a little bit, i have a few reasons other than people to quit. they wont give me more hours and my space is being invaded by home (dont want to g into detail about that part), and those are the two things i didnt want once i got a job, mostly home invading it. but she justwants to full on quit, she doesnt have a game plan she just wants to runaway and say fuck it like she always does. but i knowweatleast have to apply to other jobs first to see if anyone will take us before just quitting our only source of income then getting mad we did, and ever more upset since we know everyone will make fun of us for it.

Anyways other than all that, just another update, my cousin isnt coming over for the summer anymore because she didnt finish her school work or something lol, or atleast from all i know, doesnt really matter not one of my biggest issues at the moment but just one more thing off my pile of shit. because my room still looks like shit anyways, i brought curtains but we still didnt put them up, our next thing is a door and hopefully a wifi router but the process is so slow even with me having money now, a little dissapointed but most of its not even my fault my dad still needs to fix the broken ass floor and it turns out every simple thing we buy or get we need to do a million other things before putting than thing in the room, for example the curtains, we need a new rod for one of the window, may seem easy at first, right? until you think about the process, first we need to find a place to get it, the right mersurements, price everything like that, and who knows when we'll plan aday to get it or order it. or even if we do get it who knows when our dad will help install it. its shit like that, that makes me stressed out and want to bring out "fuck it" girl. who just doesnt even want to do shit anymore for the room since things are getting way to stressful and hard. but thats what the fuck life is, stressful and hard most of the time. so i have to be the "suck it the fuck up" girl and fix things, or do the most important thing.

Try. I just need to atleast try.

(5/30/25) Ayy heyy so todays honestly so boring but atleast i have a day off, might try updating my website more. Im so boring it hurtsssughhhbut theresnothingto doo. bro thisdumbass keyboard my tablet has bearly spaces anything omg sorryfornospaces but anyways i did a photo dump on my tiktok account and i just realized i dont do shittt lmaooa like imso fucking boringit hurts like actally andi still get madwhen people call meboring as if its not true but wtv idc just so boring nothing to do, my fuckassdad told me to try and learn a new skill today before he left out to eat with my mom (she took him out for his b day) which lowkey made memad cause THERES NTHING TO DO NIGGAA. aNYWAYS i finna just chill in bed i got work tmrr just shopping for people thats all i do lmao its fun but my head starts to hurt there after a while and i bearly talk to anyone so its kinda akward or however you spell it, but its a job where youre by yourself for the most parrt besides when you go back to where everyone else is to get another shop. OH AND I GOT PAID YESTERDAYYY AYYY 188$ BITCHH i put most of it in my savings tho for my room and other thingsss wtv ugh life is so boring just talking about this shit makes me wanna just go to bedlike no one will even read this im doneee..

(5/27/25) Bro. I know i havent been coding or updating my website but lowkey been so lazy lately lol not even just with coding with mostly everything since i got this new job, its not like the job is even hard all i do is shop people's online orders for 4 hours ( since i cant work more than that apperently ) , but yeah a little things been stressing me but idrc anymore its wtv i jsut be dramatic most of the time lol, like i know life is going to be fine it's just the small things ill try to force myself to code today (im lying lololol) not like any of my followers even interact with my stuff anymore like where the hell yall at??

(5/9/25) Ok so i'm so nervous for my new job on monday but wtv its gonna be fine it's just anixtey or what not but now my new biggest isssue is that i might actally be going to public school next year i really dont want to, i went up to the school that i might go to today for my work permit, im only going cause my sister wants to go, which she only wants to go for the social part of it which makes me kinda annoyed but maybe it'll be good f rme to go yet just being there makes me anxious i just don't see the point in going to public when i only have 2 years left of school and im terrible at talking to people escpially people my age. Just being in a public school makes me wanna throw up a bit, but im a big girl i know i can do it, besides even IF i do go (which i feel like i may not anwyays) then my sister might not even want to go after like 3 months or so. And maybe ill enojoy it who knows but that problem i shouldnt even be worry about until a while, i should jsut focus on my job and my wellbeing.

(5/6/25) OMGG GUYS I GOT THE JOB I ACTALLY GOT IT OMGMGG JI CANT BROOO, THEY CALLED ME BACK YESTERDAY I JUST NEED TO CALL THEM BACK TODAY, AND TURNS OUT I CANT TAKE OUT MY WIG ANYMORE CAUSE MY MOM IS BUSY WITH MY OTHER SIBLINGS HAIR'S SOOOO YEAH BUT THATS FINE AND ALSO MOTHERS DAY IS COMING UP SO I WOULDVE FELT BAD FOR ASKING HER ANYWAYS. But bro i just cant beleive it... I actally got a job thats so crazy they said i can come in on the 12th, IM JUST SO NERVOUS THOUGH.

(5/2/25) Bro i really dont want to take this wig out because i really dont know what to do with my hairr ughh and this is the best i ever felt about my hair in a while i this made me realized how much i dont really like my hair/ doing it, those twists/braids i always do just make me feel kinda ugly but i know that's not true, i just need to practice more on my hair and ill be fine, i might ask my mom to braid it for me but she's already doing my older sister's hair, im sure she wont mind doing mines too tho so ill be fine

ANYWAYS I ALSO WENT TO MY JOB INTERVEIW YESTERDAY AND IT WENT SO WELL I GOT STUCK ON LIKE TWO QUESTIONS BUT OTHER THAN THAT IT WHEN WELL, I STILL DONT HAVE MY WORK PERMIT THO I CANT GET IT UNTIL WENSNESDAY OR SOME TIME NEXT WEEK AND THEY ALSO STILL NEED TO GO THROUGH MY APPLICTION SO I WONT BE ABLE TO OFFICALLY WORK UNTIL A FEW WEEKS BUT AHHH I CANT WAIT UNTIL TO GET A JOBB!! less time to read fanfic tho TwT

(4/27/25)Okay so Im back! major life update everything is going so well! After prom it was like my whole life changed, I wasnt nervous at prom at all and i danced so much and talked so much, I also got A JOB INTERVIEWWWW,

IM ALSO TALKING TO MY COUSIN MORE AHHH IM JUST SO EXICTED FOR THE FUTURE AND SO PROUD OF MYSELf, OMG AND I ALSO GOT MY EARS PIRCED IMMA UPLOAD PICS AFTER IM DONE MY HOMEWORK. OH i also got the JJK voulme 1 manga at the same mall i got my ears pierced and the mob psyhco manga, IM SO GLAD I DID OGMGM.

(It's a little hard to see but it's a sliver star piercing) (Me and my sister)